Grown-ups

One of my sisters who shall remain nameless (ahem), reminded me once again today how equally blissful and terrifying it is to have the whole world in front of you without knowing any of what’s ahead. I’m equal parts frustrated by and envious of her oblivious and innocent approach to life. 

She is someone who obsesses over her physical shortcomings. She wants nothing more than to have porcelain veneers installed (SURELY that’s not the right word, but that’s how I see it) on her beautiful teeth and finds the $8k price tag (for the four top and bottom teeth) a “great investment.” She finds this SO valuable that she thinks getting a credit card to cover this expense is very worthwhile. Well, no worries, she’s been talked out of that approach but STILL! The logic escapes me completely.

This is obviously not a smart decision. I went to college, I got a good job, and consider myself reasonably intelligent in general, and I know this is not a good decision. All of my life’s experiences so far tell me this is NOT a good decision. YET! I find myself wishing I had that same irresponsible, live-only-in-the-moment-because-who-cares-about-the-future approach to life that she does. But no. I think about my credit score, I get my oil changed when I need to, I take my vitamins religiously, I pay all my bills on time, I make sure to get plenty of rest and drink 8 glasses of water daily AND I floss every day. Like, duh? What am I, an animal?!

I’m not complaining! Not in the least! My “adult” life is independent and gratifying and I wouldn’t trade it with my sweet sister’s even if I could. I’m just wondering where I left my childhood… I’ve mistakenly thought I was walking around with training wheels this whole time and no one bothered to tell me they fell off and now I’m left with is this big girl bike, on which, I can barely reach the pedals. 

What can I do? I have no idea where this new ride is taking me but at least it’s pretty!

Meditation

Some people are transformed and rejuvenated by meditation. I’ve heard people talk about out-of-body, transcendental encounters with God and spirit where colors look brighter, the world is perfect and ultimate love exudes from every pore of their being. I am not one of these people.

Meditation is nice, but I often find myself looking for meaning in my savasana which defeats the purpose entirely. When I fail at finding meaning, my brain moves on — I force my focus onto meditating. Then at least I can relax my physical body but my mind still reels. Any kind of coercion tactic my brain uses, of course, fails too and then I finally resort to making grocery lists, picking out my outfit for the next day, wondering why my foot is falling asleep, and did you hear that mosquito? Because I did. In the end I’m distracted by the guy next to me who is breathing so heavy I think he might be a little too into this and OH MY GOSH this instructor sounds bored. 

See what I’m saying?

I hope I find the missing link soon because I feel like I’ve attempted to show up to the meditation party for a long time and STILL somehow I’m always in the wrong place. 

Google’s getting a little ridiculous with their picture themes. Tomorrow they’re gonna put a picture of a donkey on there and be like, “Get it?! It says ‘Google’!”

No.

Want

I have every breakfast food one can dream up: 3 varieties of cereal, 2 kinds of oatmeal, eggs, pancake ingredients, a menagerie of fruit, fruit juices, yogurts, cheese, toast and jam, potatoes for homefries or hash browns. I have protein bars, a bagel AND cream cheese. I have a bread maker, a blender, a “professional grade” frying pan, and I can poach an egg like a champ. 

How many combinations could you come up with here?! Too many.

Despite all my options, the only thing my little heart desired this morning (of all things) was a SCONE! And, sadly, the only ingredient I was short on was timeW. 

A-ha #1

Whatever you’re doing right now, be fully immersed in it. Work it to completion, to perfection and you’ll be in perfect position for the next greater task ahead of you. 

We hear cliches or variations thereof almost every day. They become meaningless and empty after a while and though we know they had meaning somewhere way down the line, we don’t often assume, digest, and apply it. 

Today I got a flattering and joyfully uplifting letter from a dear friend offering me a really cool, fun opportunity I’d love to be a part of. The catch is, this opportunity would conflict with my “real” job and part of me instantly began to fret over the details of how I would work this New Thing out with my Old Reliable Thing. I immediately flew into Plan Mode where my mind runs through a dozen different scenarios and potential obstacles and complications but then – I stopped. I shut up. Why? Because those details don’t matter. This New Thing is something I’ve literally day dreamed about and doing this New Thing makes me feel alive. I know this is a good place, this New Thing, and I’ll pursue it. 

The details are none of my business. My current task at hand is just to show up for my part and leave the rest up to the Chairman.