Way too often I go off on mental adventures to “find myself.” I come up with all kinds of schemes and plans to assist in my pursuit and I end up reading, meditating, doing yoga, and keeping track of all the things I learn about Me that make me Me. With as many times as I’ve set out to find this elusive Me I’m referring to, one would think I would have come up with quite a lot of explanation at this point. One would be wrong. I’ve never known less, and that’s because when you set out to search for something that’s right in front of your face, you just end up getting lost. You end up sprinting down roads leading nowhere and spending a lot of time searching for something you will not find. Even worse! Since you’re so focused on finding this unfindable thing, you can’t even enjoy the run for the run’s sake. Details of the journey are lost with your efforts and you end up back where you began only to have one of these, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!” moments. Now, after my ridiculous pursuit, I realize I’ve spent all this time searching for something that never needed to be found. “Me” is right here, right now, all the time.

Way too often I go off on mental adventures to “find myself.” I come up with all kinds of schemes and plans to assist in my pursuit and I end up reading, meditating, doing yoga, and keeping track of all the things I learn about Me that make me Me. With as many times as I’ve set out to find this elusive Me I’m referring to, one would think I would have come up with quite a lot of explanation at this point. One would be wrong.

I’ve never known less, and that’s because when you set out to search for something that’s right in front of your face, you just end up getting lost. You end up sprinting down roads leading nowhere and spending a lot of time searching for something you will not find. Even worse! Since you’re so focused on finding this unfindable thing, you can’t even enjoy the run for the run’s sake. Details of the journey are lost with your efforts and you end up back where you began only to have one of these, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!” moments. Now, after my ridiculous pursuit, I realize I’ve spent all this time searching for something that never needed to be found. “Me” is right here, right now, all the time.

“The bad news: There’s no key to the universe. The good news: It was never locked.” Swami Beyondanandia.

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I’m reflecting on my early teaching days and have to laugh at what an embarrassment I was! No, seriously. I’m surprised someone didn’t stop me. Besides being a total wreck with my choreography and hardly being able to put together a coherent sentence when in front of people, I clearly had not gotten my wardrobe together either. 

I had this pair of yoga pants that were so old and so worn and in desperate need of a replacement, but refused to give them up because they were SO comfy! I wore them to every class until finally, they ripped. They actually ripped twice. The first was just a hole on the front of the thigh that I actually stapled closed each time (you know, so you couldn’t see my skin, OBVIOUSLY)! The next time was when I finally gave it up because they ripped right in the center of the seam that went down my butt… Yeah, not doing any splits with that one! 

This seems to be the theme of my life lately. We will always have to part ways with the old if we want to the opportunity to have something new. Even if we hold on to the old out of habit and convenience, it only hurts us in the end because it crowds our space and leaves so little room for new to come.

Maybe I’m making more than I need to our an old pair of yoga pants, but I will say that now, my standards are higher and the only yoga pants I wear are by Lululemon. And yeah, they’re the bomb! 

I’m a serious little yogini. I can bend backwards, turn myself upside down (and hold), arm balance in crow and all it’s variations, and even though my meditation practice needs some work, I consider myself committed to yoga for life. I love the journey and the rituals.

And yet, contrary to the popular image of what a yogi looks like, I don’t drive a prius and I only recycle when I remember to. I love fashion and don’t own ANYTHING made of hemp. I wear my favorite mascara whether I’m going out to dinner or hitting my bikram class in the morning.

I love clothes and more than just clothes, I love finding beautiful clothes on sale! All that to say, look what I bought today at Banana Republic: green lace tank, $14.99! White summery sweater, $30!

Moon salutations day! Moon sals celebrate the journey to know the self and everything that has brought you to this moment in life. Relevant practice for me this morning.

The problem with yoga

I’ve been looking around Tampa for new yoga studios and different types of classes to check out since the only “it” thing nowadays is anything hot. Hot yoga, bikram, hot power yoga, etc., and in the middle of Florida’s summer, I’m more interested in practicing in an arctic tundra than a sauna. Since that doesn’t exist, I opt to find the next best thing: a regular vinyasa flow (which, BTW, doesn’t exist here either). 

In my search, I came across a yoga studio where a one-month membership will run you upwards of $150 (also not unusual), and they still have the audacity to ask for a “oneness blessing suggested love offering” in the amount of $20.

That abruptly snapped me out of my profound meditative calm to ask, “Are you f*cking high?!” 

I’m all about taking a noble practice like yoga and transforming it into a lucrative venture, but there’s a clear point where it becomes a cheap, trendy exploit and that’s where all meaning is lost. I love to teach yoga and I’d love even more to make a killing while doing so, but what are people paying for? As a student, I know I pay for the opportunity to learn from someone more skilled than I am and to hopefully glean a little bit from their experiences and incorporate the most powerful ones into my practice and my own classes.

I don’t even know what that means, “oneness blessing suggested love offering”… Sounds adulterous to me!

Adrien’s worst nightmare is coming true… I’m accumulating more stuff! Don’t give me that look – I need this. I keep telling him to just imagine how much money I’ll save by skipping Starbucks to make my brews at home. This thing pays for itself, silly!

I was having Starbucks the other day and was enjoying myself until I realized it’s really not that delicious. It’s way too acidic and usually too bitter unless you add sweetener and cream. Coffee can be so fine and indulgent when made well, and naturally, I decided then and there that I could do it better… but not without the proper accessories! Duh!

I have day dreams of making a french vanilla, organic latte that I can sip lazily while sitting on my terrace on a crisp October Saturday morning, as I reflect on ALL THE MONEY I’M SAVING! Also! With my new toy, I’ll also be able to offer guests an after dinner cappuccino, which I always loved the idea of. How good does that sound?! Here, I’ll help you out… that sounds AMAZING! 

And for just $80, this blissful dream can be mine.